Girls should come with a carfax report
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
