This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
