Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
