Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
