I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
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