I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
