i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
