Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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