Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I got inside last night via doggy door
I am one with the molecules
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
