Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
