I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
