If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
