she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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