There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
