I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
