Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
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I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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