you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
