You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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