we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I know her cup size but not her name....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
