I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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