so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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