Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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