I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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