WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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