Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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