I am in a vortex of obligation.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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