he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
