I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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