i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
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I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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