I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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