Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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