i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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