u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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