Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
