The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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