We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
