capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
