porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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