my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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