He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
