is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
