Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
