why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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