well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
