Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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