I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
