I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You pole danced in your parka.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
