U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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