Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize