Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
