haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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