i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
