im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
