Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
