morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
