Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Buhtt sex?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
