One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
