I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
