Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
