You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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