ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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