i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
