how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
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I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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