You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
