i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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