at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
