bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
