when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
