apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
