My room smells like vodka and shame
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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