you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Of course I have a pirate flag
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
