Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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