like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
