im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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