our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
